It's all about you..

Here we go again. I wrote in a previous blog about how women always sacrifice themselves for others, a great yet potentially self-destructive trait. A recent conversation has again brought the subject matter to light. Why do we do it? Why do we always give  yet never ask for anything in return? Why do we destroy ourselves? And why do we feel guilty when we want something for ourselves?

We had another small row the other day. After days of traipsing around shopping malls with hubby trying to get school uniform together at the very last minute, I changed into some loungewear and crashed onto the sofa for a quick rest. Hubby walked in and said, "Don't tell me you're tired! How can you be tired? You don't even do much nowadays. I help you with your chores and you still feel tired all the time."At which point we started exchanging a few words before I stormed off into the kitchen. 

First of all, let me lay all the blame for the last-minute shopping trips on hubby. If I had done things my way, the uniform would have been sorted out before we left for our long summer break. But no, hubby as always ordained that things can get done later ie. on our return.

Secondly, I know it's hard for other people to understand this, but tiredness seems permanent with someone like me who suffers from depression. It's actually a miracle that I no longer hide in the bedroom whimpering all the time wondering what the hell was wrong with me. It could partly be the medication, but who the hell knows anyway?

It's always go, go, go for us. We could be sitting down for 2 seconds before we suddenly remembered there was something else that needed to be done. I do envy the times when hubby would call out and tell me to entertain the kids because he'd had enough and wanted to watch tv. Would I be able to do the same? Of course not.

And yet I'm still here. Am I a sucker for punishment? I really don't know. We need to be more assertive and be able to say enough is enough when enough is enough. We must not let ourselves be taken advantage of all the time to the point that we have nothing left of ourselves. And we must learn not to feel guilty when we're unable to please everyone all of the time, because it's just impossible to do. Other than that I'm quite comfortable with letting the rest of the stuff go over my head. Because I'm a lot more patient than hubby.