Love and Marriage

"Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like horse and carriage"

Talking about marriage in my previous post made me think of a couple of my friends. I should count myself lucky in that I have a pretty dull one. The reason I say that is because my dear friends are or have been in a physically abusive one. And I believe women who are being abused by their partner or husband have the same problem of speaking out, albeit possibly for different reasons. Shame, guilt, the false belief that one day the man would change for the better...

One friend has put up with her abusive husband for so many years, she's still with him. But why? One time he hit her so badly, she was rendered unconscious and woke up in hospital. And she was hit when she was holding her baby. When I asked her who took her to hospital, she said that her husband did. And to show his remorse, he had smashed all the fingers on his right hand with a granite pestle. She admitted she didn't leave him for fear of shame, shame that she'd fallen into yet another abusive relationship. She had previously been married to another man that abused her so she didn't want society to view her negatively. I told her it didn't matter what people's personal opinions were, what mattered most is her and her children's safety and happiness. To this she quickly replied that her husband is now a changed man, that he hasn't laid a hand on her although he's still working on his anger management. Shame, guilt and false belief all rolled into one.

I only pray that she has made the right decision to stand by her man. And I sincerely hope that he truly has changed and become a better man. I can't tell her what to do, I can only listen and offer advice when asked. It's entirely up to her to make her own choices. It's the only liberty she has. But I told her, whatever she decided, her family and close friends including myself, would be right beside her. Love you, MM.